Never Give Flowers to a Wood-elf
by Finfinfin1
Summary: Minas Tirith descends into chaos when Legolas acquires a secret admirer. Can Aragorn get to the bottom of it so he can finally get Some work done? Written for May Teitho: Prompt Anonymity.


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The door swung open with a bang and Aragorn lifted his head from the avalanche of paperwork he was buried under. Who was entering his study in such a dramatic fashion?

It was no surprise to him really to see Legolas there, agitated and so full of tension he imagined he could see it oozing from every pore. What was wrong now? Somehow whenever Legolas was residing in Minus Tirith the wheels completely fell off his expertly managed city.

"Legolas, what a surprise, I was not expecting to see you this morning. I thought you and Gimli had other business to attend to."

"I have cancelled it. This is an emergency."

His heart sunk. An emergency with Legolas meant a headache, a massive, never-ending headache.

"What is it this time?" He sighed, dropping his pen and pushing away the mound of papers. He knew from experience he would get no more work done until he had at least listened to Legolas' problem.

"Read this."

Legolas pushed an small, unassuming, envelope across the table towards him and so he opened it. What choice did he have?

The words scrawled across the paper were nearly illegible, as if a child had written it and reading them was a struggle but when he saw what was written there it was all he could do not to laugh.

"Where did you get this?" he asked almost casually.

"Someone pushed it under my door. It was there this morning. What do you make of it?"

Legolas leaned across his desk staring at him intensely. It was at times like these he was glad of his upbringing in Imladris and his ensuing ability to resist an elven stare.

"It is what it is Legolas," the smile he was resisting tugged at the sides of his mouth insistently.

"A declaration of love. It is obvious you have an admirer."

"Here?"

Legolas looked horrified,

"A human admirer?!"

"Well I would guess at that, yes. There is not exactly a surfeit of elves around and it is hardly likely to be one of my brothers!"

"Arwen..." Legolas cried in desperation,

"It could be her,"

He rolled his eyes at that.

"Think about you are suggesting Legolas. It is not Arwen."

"Why not?" Legolas was all indignation then, "I have heard it said I am pleasing to the eye, why not Arwen?"

"Because she is my wife and you are my friend. Really Legolas, you clutch at straws. It must be a woman from the city, perhaps a servant judging by the handwriting."

"Ah, I did not wish to point out the obvious illiteracy of one of your subjects, perhaps you should do something about that Aragorn. Education plans of some sort."

Legolas waved his hand airily and Aragorn could only sigh, a long heavy sigh.

"Well I would if my time was not spent giving romantic advice to wood elves."

Legolas swooped his hand across the table gathering the letter as he did so.

"I do not need your advice about romance Aragorn," he said imperiously as he stood, so obviously offended.

"I do well enough on my own...but what should I do about this...person?" he added with just a hint of uncertainty.

"Ignore it. It is harmless and they will likely not bother you again."

Legolas turned on his heels then and strode haughtily towards the door.

"Wait," Aragorn called out just as his hand reached for the door handle, He found he could not resist a last gentle prod.

"If you find you need more advice on how to catch a lady, you know where I am."

And Legolas fixed him with one last baleful stare as he departed,

"Perhaps I already have one."

And then he was gone.

He was joking of course Aragorn thought to himself. Legolas steadfastly kept all the ladies at bay, even in Ithilien. There was no one. And breathing a sigh of relief the problem had been so easy to solve, he turned back to his paperwork. Perhaps he would actually get something done today.

It was just after lunch the next day when he first realised the problem was not going to be as easily solved as all that. When an earnest young page accosted him in the corridor insisting the Elven Prince required his presence immediately. He should have known when Legolas had not appeared for lunch that something was up.

He could not believe his eyes when he opened the door to his friend's room. There was Legolas, his face mud streaked, flowers strewn across the floor and a series of pots, dirt, and gardening tools around him.

"Aragorn, you are here!"

The relief on his face was telling.

"What are you doing?!" he exclaimed for he could make no sense of the scene before him.

"Someone has sent me these...to save them, but I cannot, Aragorn, for they have been cut. I have been trying all morning and there is nothing I can do."

Aragorn stood for an instant and stared, he did not know whether to laugh or cry at the elf's obvious distress.

"Someone sent you these, was there a note?"

"No note," Legolas shook his head adamantly, "But they had taken care...they were tied with a ribbon. It was obvious they were trying to help them and I have failed."

"Legolas," he moved across to him and placed a hand gently on his shoulder,

"I do not think they wished you to save them"

"But what then?"

"It will be your secret admirer. They will have cut these for you because they are beautiful, to demonstrate their love for you."

The look on Legolas' face was nothing short of horror.

"Who would think I would wish them to kill flowers? They have murdered them for my sake?"

"It is not really murder Legolas. You are over exaggerating." He knew Legolas was deeply connected to anything green but murder was taking things a bit far.

"It is obviously just someone who doesn't know much about Woodelves." he reassured him while gently gathering the flowers up in his arms.

"It is a common custom, I have been known to give them myself."

"I do not want to hear of what atrocities you have been involved in Aragorn!" Legolas cried, "Just get these away from me. I cannot bear to see them. You promised me this person would leave me alone!"

"They must just be persistent, they will stop eventually if you ignore them. I will make it known loudly you only like flowers which happen to be attached to the ground, hopefully then there will be no repeat of this."

The last thing he wanted was Legolas rampaging around the castle grounds looking for flower murderers.

Arwen greeted him with a smile when he arrived in their room, arms filled with flowers.

"Estel! Flowers, how pretty!"

He toyed briefly with taking the credit but in the end his conscience wouldn't let him.

"They are actually from Legolas."

"Legolas?" her smile faltered, "How strange."

He smiled then,

"Don't worry they are not from him as such, he has a secret admirer who left them. He was so upset by it I removed them before he lost all reason. "

"Ah! " she laughed as she took the flowers from his arms, "You should never give flowers to a Woodelf! Poor Legolas, a secret admirer? He will not cope well with that."

"And I am not coping well with helping him cope," he sighed.

He remembered then Legolas' parting shot from the day before.

"Do you think Legolas could have someone...in Ithilien, that I do not know about?"

She turned in surprise,

"Has he said something?"

"Only in jest," he shrugged.

"Well anything is possible Estel, but you know how he is."

Oh he did, he did know how he was, flighty, changeable, mischievous. And so they dismissed the idea and thought nothing more about it.

The next day passed trouble free and Aragorn allowed himself to think the worst was over. The mystery admirer had given up their pursuit and equilibrium had been restored. That was until the evening when he, his brothers and Gimli gathered in his study for a quiet drink. Legolas strode in late and all casual airiness, the kind which set alarm bells ringing for Aragorn, it usually did not bode well.

"I have a treat for everyone," he announced, "Here, try one."

He took out of his pocket then a small box, which, when he opened it was filled with sweets, delicate, beautiful, delicious sweets.

"Oh, give me one lad," Gimli reached eagerly for the box but Legolas held it high, out of his reach which caused much annoyance.

"Oh no, no, Gimli. The Elrondionath must go first." And he held the box out between Elladan and Elrohir for them to make their choice.

"It is good to see you finally acknowledging our superiority Legolas." Elrohir smiled as he plucked one of the treats from the box and popped it in his mouth.

"How does it taste?" Legolas asked with great intensity as he clutched the box to his chest.

"Delicious, cousin," Elrohir exclaimed

"No bitter after taste?"

"A finer delicacy you will not taste!"

"Then everyone can have one!" Legolas cried and the box was shared around with great enthusiasm.

"Where do you get these Legolas?" Aragorn asked, "I would like to get some for Arwen I think."

"Oh I do not know... They were left at my door this morning, from my admirer."

"You have had these all day and eaten none? What happened to your sweet tooth?" He could not believe it. Legolas usually devoured cakes on sight. His love for sweet things was legendary.

"Well," Legolas leaned back in his chair, arms behind his head.

"After yesterday and the attack upon the flowers I was not sure of the intentions of this secret person, perhaps they were an assassin? I thought these may be poisoned."

"But you offered them to my brothers!" He said as he leant forward in his chair in horror.

"Well I could never lose Gimli, and Gondor could not afford to lose you, it made perfect sense ... as you have two brothers and they are exactly the same, really one of them is surplus to requirements."

"You thought me surplus to requirements?" Elrohir leapt to his feet in outrage and Legolas held his hands up in defence.

"Not you particularly, you were simply the greediest, that is hardly my fault."

And the room erupted into chaos.

Aragorn whispered in Legolas' ear in the middle of the arguing and drama, just to make sure he was clearly understood.

"Let me make it clear Legolas," he was not amused,

"I love both my brothers. Neither of them is superfluous."

"If you say so Aragorn. I was just pointing out, two brothers, both the same, it is a little bit ...excessive do you not think?"

"I do not think!" He snapped back, and he knew then, he could not let this go on. The secret admirer must be stopped.

That was how he found himself, late at night, skulking in the corridor outside Legolas' room. It was not very becoming behaviour for a king but he anticipated his sudden appearance being enough to scare any admirer into never coming back. It was however also very cold and very uncomfortable.

He was most annoyed therefore when just before dawn, after a night of hiding and seeing not a soul, Gimli appeared and began fiddling with something outside Legolas' door. What was he doing? Did he have to choose this morning to become an earlier riser?

Gimli seemed to have a note, and he saw then a flash of gold in his hand. Suddenly the penny dropped and he was out of his hiding place, grasping the dwarf's hand before he even knew what had hit him.

"Hey! Let go of me!" Gimli protested but Aragorn was having none of it. Instead he wrestled the note and object away from him. Looking down at it lying in his hand he saw it was a ring.

"Gimli! What is this?" In all his wildest imaginings he had never imagined this!

"It is not what it looks like Aragorn!" Gimli was desperate in his protests.

"It is a joke...simply a joke."

"A joke? This has been you all along and you have put me through this for a joke? He tried to poison my brothers!"

"Now, now, Aragorn. The sweets were not poison, Your brothers were never in danger. As if I would ever give Legolas poisoned sweets!"

He did not know how Gimli managed to sound so indignant when he had been discovered red-handed.

He glanced at the note then, the same illegible writing meandered across it.

"Who has written these for you? This is not your writing."

"Left hand, Aragorn." the dwarf grunted and they were interrupted then by the opening of the door, a wild looking, dishevelled Legolas stood looking at them blankly.

"What is going on?"

Aragorn realised a moment too late that he was standing there, his hands full of incriminating evidence, looking very, very, guilty. Unfortunately for him Legolas realised it at exactly the same time.

What is this?" He cried, snatching the letter and ring from Aragorn's hands, who not for the first time cursed those elven reflexes.

"A ring? A letter?"

The look of hurt betrayal on his friend's face rendered him briefly speechless. Something Gimli was quick to take advantage of.

"He has been playing a joke on you Legolas, I discovered it just this minute."

He fixed Gimli with a glare which capable of melting him on the spot but the dwarf, standing by Legolas' side, merely smiled.

"A joke!" The elf cried, "You killed those flowers for a joke? How could you Aragorn?"

"It was not me!" Finally his tongue was released from it's paralysis. "I swear it Legolas, it was Gimli, it was I who discovered him."

But Legolas was not listening.

"Do not blame this on poor Gimli when it is you standing here with the evidence," he glanced down then at the letter and the ring.

"How could I even accept a ring anyway when I have already- never mind- I will not listen to your excuses Aragorn."

"I tell you Legolas... Wait a minute...when you have already what?

"When I have already tired of this conversation." And Legolas slammed the door in their faces so firmly Aragorn could not help but flinch.

He turned to the dwarf then, the smug, grinning dwarf.

"Never mind Aragorn. He will get over it." Gimli with what was obviously artificial sympathy.

"You must admit it was a good joke while it lasted."

"And now he thinks me a flower killer!"

"The perfect joke then."

If there had ever been a smugger dwarf then Aragorn had not seen him.

Arwen was up by the time he returned to their room, sat in front of the dressing table, brushing her hair. She turned to him with a smile when he entered.

"Well did you find her? Legolas' secret admirer."

He sat on the bed with a thump,

"It was Gimli."

"Gimli?" She spun around to stare at him, eyes wide in surprise.

"As a joke," he elaborated and her hand flew up

to her mouth to stifle her giggle,

"Such a good joke!"

"Yes well Legolas has not found it funny, and he seems to have got the wrong end of the stick. I would take anything he says to you about it with a grain of salt."

"Oh, Estel," she grinned, "I always take anything Legolas says with a grain of salt! Anyway,-" she turned back to the mirror as she spoke,

"At least he will no longer having the trauma of floral delivery."

He could not help but smile, despite his annoyance at Gimli and the thought of the ensuing difficult period with Legolas that was sure to eventuate.

"I think Gimli was unaware of the Silvan's antagonism towards cut flowers," he replied.

"And the Sindar," Arwen did not turn around as she said it.

"The Sindar? What do you mean?"

"Grandfather outlawed that practice centuries ago, and I am sure Thranduil did also."

How had he not known this?

"But why?"

"Respect for the forest, Estel, and all living things."

"Oh, of course." He threw himself backwards to lie on the bed then and a niggling, sinking feeling began to overtake him. Her words played back in his mind...Grandfather outlawed it...respect for the forest...

The sinking feeling developed into a cold, nagging lump of stone as certainty washed over him.

Just how many bunches of flowers had he given her over the years?...


End file.
